Intelligent lyrics.

On of my favourite genres of music is Hiphop/rap, but not the rubbish that some people are coming out with. I like the intelligent lyrics, the artists who have crafted their music and lyrics. I like when it tells a story and describes a scene to me. I love Will Smiths song 'Willow is a player' for this reason; it's great if you understand who Willow is. Another artist that Leo introduced to me is Dan le Sac and Scoobious Pip, his lyrics are just phenomenal so well written, preformed and intelligent. I am struggling to pick which song to link to... so instead i'll link to a review.
Another person who gives us interesting honest lyrics is Tupac Shakur. The subjects he chose to talk about were strong and he did them well. I hate the use of swear words in music as i think it is completely unnescessary but with this genre you can't really escape it it seems.
And Eminem but we could be here for weeks over that guy.

Reading lyrics...

So, again i find myself questioning one of my decisions. Such is the nature of parenting i believe. I know that Kayne is gaining skills and finding joy in being at school but i am not. Truth is i miss him, I feel a bit like we've just lost something important; though i'm not sure what it is. When i fell pregnant with him i vowed i wouldn't put him in childcare so i could work, i felt it was a bit pointless having a child to be away from them 9 hours a day (though i understand people have to do this to survive). Now it feels odd that i have broken my vow because it's normal for kids to go to school. I thought hard about homeschooling but i worry about being good enough.
I guess in a week or so i will feel better. I know that it is good for him, he has friends, is happy, and is alot more confident than a few months ago. Also homeschooling is our back up plan - just in case.

I have been fiddling on Kayne and Lani's webpage, adding info etc. listening to media player. I rediscovered some of the songs i love in Dutch. After searching for songteksten i realised i can read it kinda ok. I mean obviously my vocab is like a toddlers but I can get the jist of a line if i understand a few words. Maybe it's because song lyrics are quite patterned and the words aren't that different through out a song. I find it interesting that i can (somewhat) read in another language yet i can't really speak it, nor can i understand a few simple sentences spoken by a native and i'd also have trouble writing anything because i struggle with learning the grammar.
But even still i love the band; Bløf, and the hiphop artist; Brainpower and a few others. I found this song today Engel voor één dag / An angel for a day. It's a beautiful song. My friend sent me this a while ago Omarm me / Embrace me, it literally made me breathless. The guy has the most amazing voice.
I just thought that maybe i find the reading easiest because i have strong reading skills - i read ALOT. I know why my speaking/writing is poor - i won't do it unless i know it's right. I realised also that i can sing the songs perfectly in my head... not that anyone would like to hear me sing out loud!
A while ago we found a great site for learning Japanese. I thought it was good because they explained why certain expressions are used in certain situations, also they went on to explain the Japanese 'pitch accent', e.g. the pitch variations within each word...which meant i felt i was getting it right more often.
Can you tell i am thinking about too much? I think i'm going to feed music through the T.V tomorrow and fill Lani's head with random songs in foreign languages. I think she needs more signs, she learnt 3 today; happy, sad and coat. She impressed me by using sad appropriately on person in a book who looked sad. I can't remember Kayne ever doing that.

well i didn't go shopping with Kirsty - she moved out of the flat as Leon brought some people back to the flat at 1:30 am and kept her up. So we are going to have to go another day.
I might be meeting up with an old friend that i used to go to school with; will right more if it occurs....

I've been trying to learn Dutch the past few days, it's going ok. I'm so glad Bart is patient. It's a brain challenge, it makes me feel like i'm not wasting my time. And thats not got anything to do with Lani or Kayne. All the old songs have the same meanings again. I'm finding it so hard to find myself in how i'm feeling at the moment, it's scary. I can't work it out. Damn it i get so 'attached'. He treats me like Tasha and not a mummy first. Something i wish everyone did, but i guess thats how it goes.

Everything is going ok i guess.

Another monday...

We got back from Clair's this afternoon, we had a good time. Kayne got really travel sick on the way there so he will now be dosed with travel sickness pills before we go on any longish journey. I love Clair's house it was very nice, lovely nooks and crannies for things and places to hide. It was quite easy to relax and just watch Kayne running in and out. For his bed time story Kayne read, himself, about 4 pages of 'Big Pig on a Dig'.
I got my book on gifted children, it has helped me feel a little more 'normal'! I'm not so worried about him having/not having this assessment - i don't think he has asbergers, i think it's just because he finds the other kids 'boring' and they seem a bit alien to him.

I'm in love with music again :) i mean i have always loved it but i crave it at the moment - loving Brainpower all over again, i bought Justin Timberlakes' album. what i find is that i like one or two songs on an album and it seems a bit pointless buying an album for a couple of songs - i might have to get on to Tesco to download some - the only problem with that is they are probably only mainstream songs - not likely to have dutch rap on there are they?
I need to print our photo's through snapfish so i can do some scrapbooking. I need to do things for me - to find me again. Mark was saying that i always seem to need to have my likes/dislikes validated by someone else - maybe thats because i've lost myself?

Going to Reading on wednesday with Kirsty - baby shopping!! :D

Dreams and uptodaysies

I got the new Sims expansion yesterday. It's really pretty, they have worked so so hard on it! I'm really enjoying it at the moment.

Not done much recently. Kayne went to grandmas today. Sold 3 of my 4 nappy auctions. So i made about £60 this week, enough for about 5 Fuzzi bunz :) gonna put the last one on when i send the 3rd set. I might put the Kushies on aswell as i washed them the other day and they took about 2/3 days to dry! I don't like the system very much either. I put Lani in a fuzzi and changed her about 3 hours later. the fleece was a little damp and as I took out the liner is was really wet and i'd double stuffed it so it's really fantastic, to be honest i was really surprised at how good it was! So was Mark, his face was a picture when he realised how wet the 'stuffing' was.

Iolani modeling a red Fuzzi Bunz and 'Baby legs'

I was meant to be gong to Hobby Craft with mum and dad today but i guess they were busy. I was gonna get some more papers and embellishments. I need a new cartridge for my printer as mine seems to print 'streaky' and it's really annoying.

I had a strange dream again, and Oli, Leon, Hayley and Adam were in it. It was wierd something to with a war and to do with not seeing people for a long time. Not really sure what it was about. I had another one about Oli a few weeks ago. Mum told me to go for a walk with him and so i did and i took his hand and we just walked. It was by water and it was so pretty, and i felt love for him. I think it was probably a memory from walking with Mark. The feeling was probably an amplification of what i felt for mark and what i feel for Oli and maybe what he feels for his mum? I know it was a empathic projection as it wasn't from me : it was 'in me' if that makes sense? Also it was kind of the feeling i have for Kayne and Lani, that feeling that i would do anything to make things better. Which how i felt for Mark at the very beginning and what i would do for Oli now.


Mary J. Blige (Bridge), Will Smith - Tell me Why

Souls are captured
Dreams are stolen, hearts are broken
Evil blatantly rewarded,
Hate surrenders, Love exalted
Hope elated, negativity is shorted