well i didn't go shopping with Kirsty - she moved out of the flat as Leon brought some people back to the flat at 1:30 am and kept her up. So we are going to have to go another day.
I might be meeting up with an old friend that i used to go to school with; will right more if it occurs....

I've been trying to learn Dutch the past few days, it's going ok. I'm so glad Bart is patient. It's a brain challenge, it makes me feel like i'm not wasting my time. And thats not got anything to do with Lani or Kayne. All the old songs have the same meanings again. I'm finding it so hard to find myself in how i'm feeling at the moment, it's scary. I can't work it out. Damn it i get so 'attached'. He treats me like Tasha and not a mummy first. Something i wish everyone did, but i guess thats how it goes.

Everything is going ok i guess.

Another monday...

We got back from Clair's this afternoon, we had a good time. Kayne got really travel sick on the way there so he will now be dosed with travel sickness pills before we go on any longish journey. I love Clair's house it was very nice, lovely nooks and crannies for things and places to hide. It was quite easy to relax and just watch Kayne running in and out. For his bed time story Kayne read, himself, about 4 pages of 'Big Pig on a Dig'.
I got my book on gifted children, it has helped me feel a little more 'normal'! I'm not so worried about him having/not having this assessment - i don't think he has asbergers, i think it's just because he finds the other kids 'boring' and they seem a bit alien to him.

I'm in love with music again :) i mean i have always loved it but i crave it at the moment - loving Brainpower all over again, i bought Justin Timberlakes' album. what i find is that i like one or two songs on an album and it seems a bit pointless buying an album for a couple of songs - i might have to get on to Tesco to download some - the only problem with that is they are probably only mainstream songs - not likely to have dutch rap on there are they?
I need to print our photo's through snapfish so i can do some scrapbooking. I need to do things for me - to find me again. Mark was saying that i always seem to need to have my likes/dislikes validated by someone else - maybe thats because i've lost myself?

Going to Reading on wednesday with Kirsty - baby shopping!! :D

The day after the morning before

First thing in the morning Lani learnt to crawl, Mark's mum came to pick up Kayne because he had been driving me barmy on Tuesday.

The HV came at 10 and measured Lani's head circumference, and checked to see if she had a pincer grip. I mentioned her that one of her eyes sometimes turns in if she's tired. Then i said about Kayne and she asked something; and i started crying. I hadn't realised that i was so worked up about it. I tried to explain about how hard he is but i don't think she got it. I mentioned about that two people had mentioned about he doesn't greatly play with other children and his upset when things are not done 'just so'. So she suggested that we had him referred to a paediatrician to see if there is a problem, although she is going to speak to his teacher first. I'm not sure if i have agreed or not. I don't know what to do. I know gifted children exhibit autistic traits and also that that many gifted children have asbergers. I guess when faced with the possibility that it is your child you want to 'do an ostrich' (e.g put your head in the sand). I don't want to do that - it will throw away all the effort i have put in so far NOT to do that.

So I'm not sure now whether it is a good thing. I felt like as soon as i mentioned it it gave the HV something to suggest as she was failing before and kinda was saying that it was because i felt 'unfulfilled' - which is true but not the problem is was talking about.

Our cakes

Kayne and i have managed to make cakes twice. He really enjoyed it, altough he didn't want to wait 20minutes to wait for them too cook. Here are pictures of our first attempt...

Not so worried

ok, after a few days i think i was over reacting. I am a little worried about the fact that he takes a while to make friends but maybe thins term will be good as alot of the kids are his age. Also his class will be mixed so he will have more 'access' to children closer to his ability. I think that the traits of gifted children and children with Asbergers are very similar and that it's always going to be hard to distinguish between the two.

I can't believe how much good pre-school is doing for Kayne, he has been a nightmare for the past week.

Worried about Kayne

There has been a little thought in the back of my head for a while now. I keep pushing it back and thinking I was just over thinking it. But now two people (Miss House and Karen at group) have mentioned the possibility and it's started to worry me. Basically that he may have Asbergers, or a mild form it. The more i think the more i worry and i don't feel that i can do anything much. I'm wondering about mentioning it to the HV but i don't think that she will be any help.
I'm going to try and write about when he has his 'tissys' and see if there is a reason and note behaviours if i can. Mark doesn't seem to be bothered too much he just says 'it doesn't change him'. Which is true but it's not what i want to hear.

• We have to go set ways to nannies/grandma/our house - unless there is a 'speed' explaination
• resists new foods?
• not greatly interested in other children of the same age
• dislikes changes in routine
• if we describe the day/shops we are going to he gets very upset if we change this
• dislikes new things - new shoes 'don't fit'

OMG! i can't believe we've done it.

Mark and i built a rat cage! and we are now the owners of 3 boy rats!! I can't believe it, they are so scrummy and lovely.

So here they are, introducing;

Comet:
He is a 'Black Mismarked hooded Dumbo Rex'

Chocolate Milk:
He is a 'Black Mismarked Hooded'

Smoke:
Who is a hooded, but we are unsure of the proper name for his colour' EDIT: he is 'silver mink'

We have given them some free range time (when the pictures were taken), they are great. Comet squeaks when you pick him up but has no desire to bite you and he loves his food. Smoke is diddy and quite scared hides under your leg or up your trousers - he's the baby. And Milk, who is Kaynes, is lovely enjoys exploring but also likes to be stroked.

On the human front:
Kayne is still going crazy: he is memorizing all the theme tumes from the TV. Lani has another tooth. Lani has been in cloth nappies alot recently and we need to do a milk test on her soon- which i'm not looking forward to really. Not much else going on..