We have bid a couple of houses in the past two months. We have been in the "first 5" on those occasions but obviously not #1 otherwise we would be moving. It's very frustrating to feel that it is so close yet not actually being able to do anything. We are at the mercy of the system. Also there are other things that make it hard to have to deal with, we will have to change schools and it's hard to know whether to tell the teachers at his current school/look at other schools etc. We have no idea where we will be so we can't say to a school 'Well, we may be moving into the area sometime from now until....well until we move'.
It's switch day today and Kayne's class was split between two classes. I saw a mum i talk to most mornings, i asked 'Is A in Mrs. H's class?', she replied 'Yes, but you may not be here in Sept'... Huh? Well we may be here still, so .... , I'm thinking she spoke without thinking but 'ouch'.
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Rant. Show all posts
Monday, 13 July 2009
Friday, 20 June 2008
Here we go again....
Last week Kayne stayed home because he was ill.
Monday i got a phone call asking to pick him up becuase he said he was 'poorly and needed a nap' so i obliged although he was happily playing all weekend.
Tuesday, he complains a bit and i said to him that he was fine, i also told the teacher i would not come and get him unless he was hysterical or obviously sick. Sounds evil but i know he could convince them that he was unwell just to come home.
Wednesday, he doesn't want to get dressed for school, he begins the slow walking he did at Winchcombe. Tells me he doesn't like it anymore. but comes home telling me about what he's done.
Thursday, 'I don't want a polo-shirt, i want a shirt. I can't put my shoes on, my tounge hurts (in fairness it probably does but hasn't stopped him doing anything else), i don't wanna go'. Walks to school so slowly tortoises could over take him. When i pick him up he is fine; telling me he has a new book, a new friend etc. We go to the shop and he walks normal speed.
Friday, he didn't want to get dressed walked really slow but was ok when we got there, just a little reserved. he came home telling me about going to the allotments with the school and making another friend.
I feel confident that he is not bored. I don't understand how he has gone from racing me there to lagging meters behind. I don't understand what is going on in his head.
He doesn't talk anymore he whines about everything, somedays i wonder if he is really unhappy and that we are missing something obvious. He is so draining right now, Lani is really getting into the independence/tantrum stage and i'm finding myself out of my depth sometimes...which is new to me and i will admit a bit scary too.
I think we need a new strategy to combat the whining as nothing seems to work right now. I want my happy 2/3 year old back. Not this grumpy, whingy, unmotivated 4 year old. Maybe thats the key and i just haven't realised how deep it goes or maybe i'm using it as an excuse.
Monday i got a phone call asking to pick him up becuase he said he was 'poorly and needed a nap' so i obliged although he was happily playing all weekend.
Tuesday, he complains a bit and i said to him that he was fine, i also told the teacher i would not come and get him unless he was hysterical or obviously sick. Sounds evil but i know he could convince them that he was unwell just to come home.
Wednesday, he doesn't want to get dressed for school, he begins the slow walking he did at Winchcombe. Tells me he doesn't like it anymore. but comes home telling me about what he's done.
Thursday, 'I don't want a polo-shirt, i want a shirt. I can't put my shoes on, my tounge hurts (in fairness it probably does but hasn't stopped him doing anything else), i don't wanna go'. Walks to school so slowly tortoises could over take him. When i pick him up he is fine; telling me he has a new book, a new friend etc. We go to the shop and he walks normal speed.
Friday, he didn't want to get dressed walked really slow but was ok when we got there, just a little reserved. he came home telling me about going to the allotments with the school and making another friend.
I feel confident that he is not bored. I don't understand how he has gone from racing me there to lagging meters behind. I don't understand what is going on in his head.
He doesn't talk anymore he whines about everything, somedays i wonder if he is really unhappy and that we are missing something obvious. He is so draining right now, Lani is really getting into the independence/tantrum stage and i'm finding myself out of my depth sometimes...which is new to me and i will admit a bit scary too.
I think we need a new strategy to combat the whining as nothing seems to work right now. I want my happy 2/3 year old back. Not this grumpy, whingy, unmotivated 4 year old. Maybe thats the key and i just haven't realised how deep it goes or maybe i'm using it as an excuse.
Wednesday, 4 June 2008
A bit of everything
This is gonna be a tired ranty kind of post. I have the knotted feeling in my stomache and i have no idea why.
i think Lani is teething again. She's grumpy at best. The only taking one brand/flavour of medicene is annoying as i can't keep her pain free. She is waking early, then is overtied at nap time. Today she had 45mins instead of the normal 2-3 hours. I'm so worried she is going to drop her nap. There will be no hope for me when she does. I haven't figured her out yet. She gets so frustrated sometimes and i'm not used to it. Or aleast not like she does it. Kayne got frustrated but he had more verbal ability (at the same age) than she does, i could talk to him about it but with her she just screams, stamps her feet and cries.
It's strange that they are so different, some how i seem too think that he had better language than Lani at the same age but i'm not so sure. Maybe the difference is that she NEEDS that thing right now! she MUST look at that particular blade of grass even though we have seen a gazillion in the past 3 steps....maybe this is the intensity i read about in other children that i feel Kayne is lacking in the assigned title of 'giftedness'.
Maybe i am looking at her too closely in comparison to Kayne. So lets see what does she do that is different to Kayne, that is unqiuely Iolani....
~ Pretend play... She loves her bears! She has been feeding them, puts them in push chairs etc, since she was about 13 months. She makes tea for everyone at Grandma's with their tea-set.
~ Mimicary... she repeats words, sounds, and sentance sounds instantly. Diego: can you say larga, lani: lar -ga . Her signing is good too, she understands the concept of signs and so when i show her one she repeats it quickly (the latest one is 'again').
~ Birds... I have just this second realised that she is obsessed with birds. She gets so excited when she sees one. she stamps her feet and shakes herself, shouting birdy! and signing at the same time. Nature i suppose is her big joy.
~ Climb...She is very physically gregarious, she climbs everything, up slides, onto our bed, moves toy boxes so she can get things.
Kayne is his uniform on his first day.
Anyway on with a new day...
i think Lani is teething again. She's grumpy at best. The only taking one brand/flavour of medicene is annoying as i can't keep her pain free. She is waking early, then is overtied at nap time. Today she had 45mins instead of the normal 2-3 hours. I'm so worried she is going to drop her nap. There will be no hope for me when she does. I haven't figured her out yet. She gets so frustrated sometimes and i'm not used to it. Or aleast not like she does it. Kayne got frustrated but he had more verbal ability (at the same age) than she does, i could talk to him about it but with her she just screams, stamps her feet and cries.
It's strange that they are so different, some how i seem too think that he had better language than Lani at the same age but i'm not so sure. Maybe the difference is that she NEEDS that thing right now! she MUST look at that particular blade of grass even though we have seen a gazillion in the past 3 steps....maybe this is the intensity i read about in other children that i feel Kayne is lacking in the assigned title of 'giftedness'.
Maybe i am looking at her too closely in comparison to Kayne. So lets see what does she do that is different to Kayne, that is unqiuely Iolani....
~ Pretend play... She loves her bears! She has been feeding them, puts them in push chairs etc, since she was about 13 months. She makes tea for everyone at Grandma's with their tea-set.
~ Mimicary... she repeats words, sounds, and sentance sounds instantly. Diego: can you say larga, lani: lar -ga . Her signing is good too, she understands the concept of signs and so when i show her one she repeats it quickly (the latest one is 'again').
~ Birds... I have just this second realised that she is obsessed with birds. She gets so excited when she sees one. she stamps her feet and shakes herself, shouting birdy! and signing at the same time. Nature i suppose is her big joy.
~ Climb...She is very physically gregarious, she climbs everything, up slides, onto our bed, moves toy boxes so she can get things.
Kayne is his uniform on his first day.
I was really pleased to get kayne's reading age, i thought it would help. But it seems weird, the books at his reading level he won't touch. The school ones he gets are good so far, i've noticed that they are slowly getting more lines on a page. Hopefully then he will be more inclined to pick books that aren't 'learn your ABC's' or something similar.
We've had a wobbly school week, 'i don't like it', 'it's got too much playing' 'i don't like it when they call me a star', comments which threw me a bit until i found out that the boy he likes is away at the moment - so i'm hoping that it's all to do with that.
I think i need to reconnect with my children. It sounds weird but i think that when you get comfortable with how things swing you forget that they grow, change and become new people right infront of you and in such a small space of time. I think that i have been trying hard to look at whether i am parenting the way i want to. I have needed this time to adjust myself and my goals - now though i need to be involved and relax (not that i've been letting them run riot, just been very introspective).
Adorable
Anyway on with a new day...
Saturday, 12 April 2008
All about Friday
What a fiasco! These past few days have been the most stressful i've had ...ever? Mark got a lift to the hospital at 6:10 am, Lani and Kayne got up at 6:30. I waited around, cleaned, sorted washing, fed children in a complete daze all morning. Marks parents arrived at 11:30. The seemed to be trying to convince me that we should go up straight away. Mark text at about 12:30 saying he should be going down to theatre soon. We left here at 2 got there around 3 - he wasn't back yet. So we waited an hour and went back up...he'd just got back.
He looked tired, very pale, with that wide-eyed/doped up look. I wanted to get on the bed and lay with him - can't do that incase of infection. So then we casually say to the nurse about taking him home - as thats teh reason we were there. She said 'oh no, you aren't going home tonight' and we were thinking hang-on he came in for 'day-surgery'!! There was never any mention of staying overnight, he had nothing with him, no change of clothes, underwear, toothbrush! I was so angry. We'd made his parents come off of holiday to pick him up and he wasn't even going to come home. Mark was really angry and then was crying because he felt they lied to him. Which in essence they did because they never mentioned once anything about an over-night stay. Not even in the infomation booklet,that they give you about what to bring etc, did it say anything like 'if your operation is in the afternoon, you may have to stay overnight' or anything along those lines.
Just shows how fucked up our health service is. Not even the surgeon doing it said anything about him staying, and then after was all like 'of course you wouldn't be going home', they treat you like a bunch of fucking idiots.
Anyway, i get to phone the hospital at 10 and then go to mums, then i'm going over to the hospital at about 2 ish i hope. Lani got me up at 6:30 this morning. We got in at 10:30 i was asleep by 11:15, Kayne is still asleep and its 9 (just woke up - its 9:15), the lastest he has EVER laid in.
Went to Leo's 21st party last night which i didn't think we'd be able to (the only good thing about Mark staying in). Was good fun, spoke to Sarah-Lee and Jilly about babies. Spoke to Scott a bit, he gave me a kiss, don't think he's does that since we were little. But he's been really worried about this lump (although it will be fine), A few hugs and i told him he'll be ok. Lani kept saying 'Hiya dada!, there you are!' to Jack (who has short hair like Marks), she'd walk over to him and then say 'oh' and sign finished and run away. You'd assume that they would forget over that period of time (24 hours) although he is her dad and she adores him. It was so sweet and i had to not cry as mum was fussing me! - As if she didn't have enough to do. I spent alot of time talking to Jamie. We talked about Bleach and computer games. I'm glad we have this common interest because it means that we can talk, also that Jamie has someone to talk to because there wasn't anyone for him at the party really - though he did play with Kayne (maybe because Kayne has no expectations of how Jamie should act).
He looked tired, very pale, with that wide-eyed/doped up look. I wanted to get on the bed and lay with him - can't do that incase of infection. So then we casually say to the nurse about taking him home - as thats teh reason we were there. She said 'oh no, you aren't going home tonight' and we were thinking hang-on he came in for 'day-surgery'!! There was never any mention of staying overnight, he had nothing with him, no change of clothes, underwear, toothbrush! I was so angry. We'd made his parents come off of holiday to pick him up and he wasn't even going to come home. Mark was really angry and then was crying because he felt they lied to him. Which in essence they did because they never mentioned once anything about an over-night stay. Not even in the infomation booklet,that they give you about what to bring etc, did it say anything like 'if your operation is in the afternoon, you may have to stay overnight' or anything along those lines.
Just shows how fucked up our health service is. Not even the surgeon doing it said anything about him staying, and then after was all like 'of course you wouldn't be going home', they treat you like a bunch of fucking idiots.
Anyway, i get to phone the hospital at 10 and then go to mums, then i'm going over to the hospital at about 2 ish i hope. Lani got me up at 6:30 this morning. We got in at 10:30 i was asleep by 11:15, Kayne is still asleep and its 9 (just woke up - its 9:15), the lastest he has EVER laid in.
Went to Leo's 21st party last night which i didn't think we'd be able to (the only good thing about Mark staying in). Was good fun, spoke to Sarah-Lee and Jilly about babies. Spoke to Scott a bit, he gave me a kiss, don't think he's does that since we were little. But he's been really worried about this lump (although it will be fine), A few hugs and i told him he'll be ok. Lani kept saying 'Hiya dada!, there you are!' to Jack (who has short hair like Marks), she'd walk over to him and then say 'oh' and sign finished and run away. You'd assume that they would forget over that period of time (24 hours) although he is her dad and she adores him. It was so sweet and i had to not cry as mum was fussing me! - As if she didn't have enough to do. I spent alot of time talking to Jamie. We talked about Bleach and computer games. I'm glad we have this common interest because it means that we can talk, also that Jamie has someone to talk to because there wasn't anyone for him at the party really - though he did play with Kayne (maybe because Kayne has no expectations of how Jamie should act).
Thursday, 23 August 2007
The day after the morning before
First thing in the morning Lani learnt to crawl, Mark's mum came to pick up Kayne because he had been driving me barmy on Tuesday.
The HV came at 10 and measured Lani's head circumference, and checked to see if she had a pincer grip. I mentioned her that one of her eyes sometimes turns in if she's tired. Then i said about Kayne and she asked something; and i started crying. I hadn't realised that i was so worked up about it. I tried to explain about how hard he is but i don't think she got it. I mentioned about that two people had mentioned about he doesn't greatly play with other children and his upset when things are not done 'just so'. So she suggested that we had him referred to a paediatrician to see if there is a problem, although she is going to speak to his teacher first. I'm not sure if i have agreed or not. I don't know what to do. I know gifted children exhibit autistic traits and also that that many gifted children have asbergers. I guess when faced with the possibility that it is your child you want to 'do an ostrich' (e.g put your head in the sand). I don't want to do that - it will throw away all the effort i have put in so far NOT to do that.
So I'm not sure now whether it is a good thing. I felt like as soon as i mentioned it it gave the HV something to suggest as she was failing before and kinda was saying that it was because i felt 'unfulfilled' - which is true but not the problem is was talking about.
The HV came at 10 and measured Lani's head circumference, and checked to see if she had a pincer grip. I mentioned her that one of her eyes sometimes turns in if she's tired. Then i said about Kayne and she asked something; and i started crying. I hadn't realised that i was so worked up about it. I tried to explain about how hard he is but i don't think she got it. I mentioned about that two people had mentioned about he doesn't greatly play with other children and his upset when things are not done 'just so'. So she suggested that we had him referred to a paediatrician to see if there is a problem, although she is going to speak to his teacher first. I'm not sure if i have agreed or not. I don't know what to do. I know gifted children exhibit autistic traits and also that that many gifted children have asbergers. I guess when faced with the possibility that it is your child you want to 'do an ostrich' (e.g put your head in the sand). I don't want to do that - it will throw away all the effort i have put in so far NOT to do that.
So I'm not sure now whether it is a good thing. I felt like as soon as i mentioned it it gave the HV something to suggest as she was failing before and kinda was saying that it was because i felt 'unfulfilled' - which is true but not the problem is was talking about.
Friday, 20 April 2007
Different
Don't you just hate it when you realise how different you are from everyone you know? Including your own mum? Grrr... Came home last night after an afternoon with my mum. An afternoon of 'what about socialisation/you'd be getting rid of him all dad' statements on homeschooling. Don't get me wrong she's great, but she acts like everything to do with Kayne is hard work. 'in a minute' 'when i've done this'...
We live in a flat, 1st floor, and at the bottom of the stairwell there were 3 of the girls who live here and another lady. they were cooing over Lani and asking me about buggies. I do use buggies although i wear Lani in a sling as well. And they started talking about thier kids, how they are always saying 'no...' 'don't touch' 'don't this don't that' ..... LOL and both Mark and i looked at each other and said nothing. We dont have this with Kayne, I'm not saying that he is perfect all the time, but i'm not constantly telling him not to touch/ or do this or that. or screaming him him as i hear upstairs doing. If he starts wandering off i just say 'Kayne come back please' and 99% of the time he complies. Actually thinking about it he's so so different to his peers it starts to worry me. My G.P noted that she would be doing his 3 1/2 year check in 7 months but said that he would already 'pass' it with ease. I'm gonna have to think about searching out some early readers soon as he is trying to learn :S I'm worried about his future and how to balance him socially and mentally so he doesn't try and get too ahead of himself (without holding him back). Hence why i want to HE (among other things) as i'm so scared that they will switch him off too learning by making him bored, and he'll waste himself (like my brother is currently doing for the same reasons).
*breathe* any hoo. i guess all bridges will be crossed when we get to them. Just tired of having no one to turn too who understands. Tired of worrying that i sound pretentisous (sp lol) when i try to ask people and them think thats what i'm like. or that i'm a pushy mum (lol i'm so laid back i'm led down!) or that i'm 'hot housing' him or something. I'm Not.
We live in a flat, 1st floor, and at the bottom of the stairwell there were 3 of the girls who live here and another lady. they were cooing over Lani and asking me about buggies. I do use buggies although i wear Lani in a sling as well. And they started talking about thier kids, how they are always saying 'no...' 'don't touch' 'don't this don't that' ..... LOL and both Mark and i looked at each other and said nothing. We dont have this with Kayne, I'm not saying that he is perfect all the time, but i'm not constantly telling him not to touch/ or do this or that. or screaming him him as i hear upstairs doing. If he starts wandering off i just say 'Kayne come back please' and 99% of the time he complies. Actually thinking about it he's so so different to his peers it starts to worry me. My G.P noted that she would be doing his 3 1/2 year check in 7 months but said that he would already 'pass' it with ease. I'm gonna have to think about searching out some early readers soon as he is trying to learn :S I'm worried about his future and how to balance him socially and mentally so he doesn't try and get too ahead of himself (without holding him back). Hence why i want to HE (among other things) as i'm so scared that they will switch him off too learning by making him bored, and he'll waste himself (like my brother is currently doing for the same reasons).
*breathe* any hoo. i guess all bridges will be crossed when we get to them. Just tired of having no one to turn too who understands. Tired of worrying that i sound pretentisous (sp lol) when i try to ask people and them think thats what i'm like. or that i'm a pushy mum (lol i'm so laid back i'm led down!) or that i'm 'hot housing' him or something. I'm Not.
Thursday, 8 March 2007
...rant....
arrrrgggghhhh!!! (just needed to get that out)
why can i not do a f***ing thing right?
I moved out of my parents to provide a better place to live for Kayne : there is constant excessive noise from upstairs, kids and adults swear loudly everywhere(and at thier kids), kids destroy things in plain view in the middle of the day. I have no garden (*cries*)
I bring my child up to be polite and concientious of other peole : so now i can't help anyone who wants that for thier child
I try to stick to the recommended guildlines for babies : when i do i'm told its hogswash, when i don't i'm berated (well when i didn't with Kayne)
I can't possibly know anything about medicene (eg, reflux, lactose intolerance) : yet the doctor i spoke to didn't even know that you don't have to be throwing up to have reflux.
I'm so sick of the world of babies and the 'mine is worse at feeding/sleeping/behaving than yours' culture.
*cries* Maybe i am the one who's wrong maybe ... oh i don't know. i'm just seriously doubting myself. I'm seriously wondering whether the group i go to is right for me anymore. I love it and its been a great help, especially when i've been depressed, but the people there infuriate me.
why can i not do a f***ing thing right?
I moved out of my parents to provide a better place to live for Kayne : there is constant excessive noise from upstairs, kids and adults swear loudly everywhere(and at thier kids), kids destroy things in plain view in the middle of the day. I have no garden (*cries*)
I bring my child up to be polite and concientious of other peole : so now i can't help anyone who wants that for thier child
I try to stick to the recommended guildlines for babies : when i do i'm told its hogswash, when i don't i'm berated (well when i didn't with Kayne)
I can't possibly know anything about medicene (eg, reflux, lactose intolerance) : yet the doctor i spoke to didn't even know that you don't have to be throwing up to have reflux.
I'm so sick of the world of babies and the 'mine is worse at feeding/sleeping/behaving than yours' culture.
*cries* Maybe i am the one who's wrong maybe ... oh i don't know. i'm just seriously doubting myself. I'm seriously wondering whether the group i go to is right for me anymore. I love it and its been a great help, especially when i've been depressed, but the people there infuriate me.
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