First day back

first day back to nursery today. Kayne went fine, was like we hadn't left.

Mark is on the 10;30 to 7 shift but it hasn't been as bad as i expected. I have been more organised and so it has been easy, well except that Lani is teething and so she hasn't been going to sleep very easily. Going back to nursery is also going to change the routines again! that we have just got sorted.

I've sorted my head out somewhat. Mark and i talked; Mark feels depressed which doesn't surprise me (secretly it didn't feel right that i felt that bad). He tells me nothing so as to make me feel better - but i know something is wrong and i feel worse because he isn't talking to me. it annoyed me somewhat as we are meant to be a partnership yet sometime i feel that we are together bacuase of Kayne and Lani. Sometimes i have not wanted to be here, i've been wondering if our relationship was over etc. Now i feel better about it all, we have started to talk in the evening and it's been better even in the 2 days that weve done it.
I went to mums the other night for 3 hours and did some scrapbooking. It felt good to do something i wanted to do that was productive. Bart has convinced me that i need to go and do something that makes me feel good, so inspired by something he said i'm going to go swimming on a Friday. What he said was: "like going to the gym for me. I don't always feel like going, but I know, when I'm done, when I'm standing in the shower, I feel my muscles and tiredness and think: 'hey, that was nice, I DID something' ". I'm trying to get Mark to go out and do something as i think that it will be important for him if he feels down.